Marriage – Making it, Living it by Mirza Yawar Baig

With the well knowned Shaykh Yawar in South Africa, a booklaunch was an event not-to-be missed.
The booklaunch of Marriage Making it, Living it by Sh. Mirza Yawar Baig was hosted by North Beach events at the Pavillion Hotel in Durban. A quaint event with much to take home with you in terms of food for thought and inspiration.

The event in chaired by Sh Musaid, who does a brief introduction and mentions that

“Shaytaan rejoices most when a marriage breaks”

This sets the tone for the seriousness of the topic of marriage.

Shaykh Yawar’s voice draws people to serious attention, with pleasant greetings  and jokes that he is fast reaching an age where he doesn’t need to say ‘elders’ anymore. He begins by addressing his first book and mentions the Ayah

“And among His signs is that He created mates for you from yourselves…”

Sukoon is the absence of searching but it is important to get married with your eyes wide open. It is also the best way to bring up children. Stop looking for something that’s missing and be committed.

The marital home must be a place of safety. Sh Yawar uses the analogy of a harbour being a place of safety for a ship. The home is not a battleground of convincing, he says. There is a confusion between love and lust. Love is a trait of humanity (within a marriage) whereas lust is animal instinct.

Love doesn’t exist by itself. Love is a consequence of respect. Respect doesn’t exist by itself, men must be worthy of respect.

Shaykh Yawar points out that there is a difference between love and mercy.
“At some point in a marriage one of the spouses will exhibit sings of insanity”, he says humorously and briefly mentions dealing with the modern day term PMS, the quraan has termed it insanity.  He stresses the topic of patience and perseverence in the words “When you are incapable of fulfilling the rights of your spouse, then reflect on your journey together.”

Great teachings emerge from this session:

• Sukoon, Rahmah, Mercy -> imagine a home with all this.

• The largest things that destroys a marriage is greed and lack of appreciation. Appreciation is metered out in 2 ways:
  1. Thank your spouse
  2. Thank Allah (swt)

• Thankfulness is very important.

Shaykh Yawar jokes about Gifting, one can’t eat flowers or diamonds but you can eat banana’s. How important are thoughtful gifts in relation to your spouse? There are smiles amongst the ladies, each knowing how terrible men can be at gifting.

The concept of Marital identity is addressed and it is perfectly described as each spouse within the marriage, covers the others mistakes thereby protecting and supporting. Essentially is it 2 identities that merge to form a third.

Book 2 – Bringing up a Muslim Child

Great advices for those who are parents, and looking forward to being parents someday:

Children learn with their eyes. So we need to reflect on what we are teaching by means of our conduct and behaviour. Growing up is an issue of seeing what your parents do.

Shaykh Yawar takes us on a trip through his childhood, reflecting fondly on his parents.  He shares 2 stories… one where he is about 2 or 3 years old, and his mom took him for a walk. She pointed to the moon and said to him ‘We worship the one who created the moon’.
And the second story of his father,
His dad would wake the family for fajr with the words ‘Assalatu khairun minan naum (Salah is better than sleep). He speaks of how one hides under the covers as a child.  These memory shares create great pegs of illustration for bringing up children.

• Bring up kids by giving them memories. Let children get used to the sound of their father reciting the Kallamullah.
  ‘Kids? you are not bringing up a baby goat’
• The child in your womb can hear you , so recite the quraan. Let the quraan be familiar to the child.
• We must suffer from 2 things, the pain of discipline or the pain of regret.
• Media and technology in this day and age is something that we are all exposed to. We shouldn’t be afraid of it but we should steer children towards alternatives for entertainment and recreation.
• In this day, mothering is scary, and we are producing obese, fat freaks.
  In this  day and age, iddah is longer than the marriage. Marriages lack sabr, tolerance, give and take.

As usual Shaykh Yawar brings beautiful oneliners thats linger in the minds of the audience.

Booksigning and tea are the order of the even. Indeed a very good launch.