My boyfriend/husband/fiance doesn’t want me to wear a scarf
Disclaimer: Islam forbids dating and cross gender mixing. This post is NOT to encourage dating or haraam cross gender associations, rather it addresses valid concerns expressed by sisters and affords us a platform in order to address it. Alhumdulillah
Since the conceptualization of this site as a platform to encourage and help sisters with the various issues encountered day to day we’re adhering to offering support to wear the hijab. It is a given that islam prohibits dating, and cross gender mixing. Beyond that, our site stats indicate alot of searches with the words (search string) ‘My boyfriend/husband doesn’t want me to wear the scarf’. Our recent post on 30 excuses for not wearing the scarf featured popularity among the readers by means of contribution as well as sharing of their own personal struggles.
So… Your Fiance/ boyfriend / husband does not want you to wear the scarf?
Perhaps your family does not want you to wear the scarf?
How do you deal with it? How do you react?
What do you say?
How do you avoid quarrels over the scarf?
How do you work passed this hiccup and wear your hijab to represent the esteemed identity of a Muslim Woman? HOW?
At the outset you need to identify and realise that a woman’s hair is her beauty. Allah swt has instructed for women to conceal their beauty for many reasons. Your face, hands and feet are allowed to be exposed. In the case of the Shafi’ee madhab, feet need to be covered. You can attempt to dress appropriately by covering these parts and still maintain a modest yet fashionable appearance.
The next aspect you need to consider is that: You are covering yourself to obey Allah SWT. As a Muslims we have to accept that we have been created to worship Allah and all other aspects of our lives come secondary to this.
By this point you have understood and accepted the reasons for doing this. It may not be easy for some. It may be very simple for others. Everyone is different in their reactions and for some it is a struggle. Know that you are not alone in this and that other women are experiencing it too. Some sisters across the world are being ostracized for wearing the scarf but for many the resistance is closer to home.
Sit your partner down and explain to them that you are a Muslim, and you want to obey your creator. Encourage them to support you in your choices and to respect the decision that you have made to wear the scarf.
If they are still unhappy, ask ‘Why are you unhappy about this?’
Remain calm during the conversation. Do not get upset or yell in anger or say anything that may exacerbated the situation. Explain that you really want to uphold the identity of being a Muslim woman, you want the blessings of Allah’s mercy therefore want to obey him perfectly, Insha Allah. We’re not saying that Allah does not bless sisters who are not yet wearing the scarf, but to benefit fully from Allah’s mercy one should try to fulfill the basic requirements of the hijab.
A very popular reason for being discouraged from wearing the scarf is that it is frown upon as being old fashioned, or you’re told that it doesn’t suit you – There are many scarf styles, and a variety of beautiful types of scarves to counter this. You can experiment with a few and find one that compliments you. You are not restricted to wearing only black or tying the scarf into a knot under the chin.
Ask your husband/partner/family to help you select a style that appeals to them. They will eventually get used to the idea. If its really difficult, perhaps start with afew hats or barrets and work your way toward wearing proper hijab. Sometimes people need time to come to terms with your spiritual evolution and the identity you want to portray as a Muslimah, bear patience with them, and bear patience with yourself on your Hijab Journey.
Try to Live the Muslimah(Life)Style.
Lastly, make lots of Dua for Allah swt to remove obstacles from your path to hijab, and to soften the resistance of others towards this beautiful act of faith to your Lord, Allah swt.